he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
