so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
