IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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