We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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