i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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