she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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