we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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