btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
