And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
