Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My vagina is very pro this idea
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
