made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
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