her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
my shit smells like andre
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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