i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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