I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
