i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Floor bacon is actually really good
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
