If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
