I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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