corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
