i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
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Princesses don't give blow jobs
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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