hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
