Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
