Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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