I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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