I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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