you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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