Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
