What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
