bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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