me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
