Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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