I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize