so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
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I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
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Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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