Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
