you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
