just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
