The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
