You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We are two peas in an std pod
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
