Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
