Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
