Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
why is half of my head shaved?
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