Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
