can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
