I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
