Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
