either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
