Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
