That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
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I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
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I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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