I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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