'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
