yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
