Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
