My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
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I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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