Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
ttyl tear gas
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
