Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
