Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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