I'm going to jail i love you
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
