i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
