Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he fucked my hip out of place.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
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Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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