How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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