We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
