Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
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His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
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I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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