dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
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I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
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Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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