That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
