so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Farmville is her only friend.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
