id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
