drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
